Mémoires
by sauceynana
Summary: Sydney's plane ride back home. I suck at summaries, umm.. Remembering S/V


Title: Mémoires  
  
Spoilers: **Season 1 and 2**  
  
Category: Angst/Romance  
  
Authors Note: Lyrics used in this story are  
Joy Enrique, How Can I Not Love you.  
It's a one-parter with S/V flashbacks. Sorry for any errors this  
was only proof-read by me (which can't be a good thing:)  
And the quotes are from the wonderful  
wiretaps at the safehouse. www.vartanho.com  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~  
  
**Can not touch, Can not hold  
Can not be together  
Can not love  
Can not kiss  
Can not have each other**  
  
Sydney quietly sits on the jet that was taking her back _home_. She sat by the window looking out in to the sky, she wanted answers, but she didn't feel comfortable asking Vaughn. He sat on the far end of the jet reading, or pretending to be reading. She caught him taking small glances at her, but she just turned around. She knew that would hurt him, and right now she wanted him to hurt because she was hurting as well. She didn't have a home, her friends, and Vaughn. All she had are memories of her past.  
  
**Must Be Strong  
And We Must Let Go  
Cannot Say What our Hearts Must Know**  
  
_Vaughn: No not yet. They're reviewing your statement. You wrote a lot.   
Sydney: I know.   
Vaughn: I mean, it's like Tolstoy long_  
  
She looked down at her own hand, seeing Vaughn's ring in her mind. She closed her eyes not wanting that image in her mind.   
  
"He's married," she whispered to herself.  
  
**How can I not love you  
What do I tell my heart  
When do I not want you.. here In My Arms  
How Does One Walks away from all of the memories  
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone**  
  
_Vaughn: When you're at your absolute lowest, at your most depressed, just remember that you can always...you know. You got my number. _  
  
" I wonder if you still have the same number," Sydney told herself. Even after two years she still remembered his cell phone number.  
  
_Sydney: There's this woman, a personality like a collage I've put together from the photographs, the few memories I have, the scraps of stories I've heard, the clothes of hers I've got, her books. None of it's real. She wasn't that woman at all. She was a horrible person--who killed your father. Vaughn, I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry_  
  
That day was the first time he hugged her. He always understood her, and knew what to say and do when she was at her lowest. She needed him so much right now, but she couldn't go to him now, she was never going to able to go to him again.  
  
**Cannot Dream  
Cannot share sweet and tender moments  
Cannot feel how we feel  
Must pretend its over**  
  
_Vaughn: The storage room where I got in. That's where we'll meet.   
Sydney: Then maybe we can go to that hockey game.   
Vaughn: Maybe_  
  
At least they did get to go to that hockey game, even though it was a year later. That night was one the best nights of her life, she never knew going to a simple date to a hockey game was so meaningful in their relationship. Now she wasn't sure if she could watch the sport without thinking about him every time.  
  
_Vaughn: Listen you want to go to dinner? While I was driving in town I saw this place, Russo it's called.  
Sydney: Vaughn, we can't do that.  
Vaughn: Why not?   
Sydney: Well, for a million reasons. If Alliance security sees us together they'll kill us._  
  
**Must be brave  
And we must go on  
Must not say what we known all a long**  
  
And they almost did but even though they both admitted it was a stupid idea at the end, she never regretted for a minute. Who would have known that a couple of weeks later they would be together, but to only be tore away so abruptly.  
  
_Vaughn: You're so beautiful.  
Sydney: Dinner's ready.  
Vaughn: You do have an oven, you know. We can reheat..._  
  
  
Now the tears were coming down, she had to switch seats so he wouldn't see her cry, she rubbed the tears away with her sleeve. She leaned back in her seat, and starting to think about the fact that if her dad had recruited her first to the CIA before Sloane got to her, how different would her life be. Then suddenly she bolted up from her seat.  
  
"Why didn't they sent my father to pick me up?" she asked out loud. Vaughn had told her he was okay, but that's all he said. She turned around to see what he was doing, he was talking on his cell phone. 'Probably with his wife,' Sydney thought. She sat back down; looked out the window and went back to her memories the only place she felt safe at the moment.  
  
**How can I not love you  
What do I tell my heart  
When do I not want you Here In My Arms**  
  
_Sydney: That was the longest debrief in history.   
Vaughn: I was staring at you the whole time. Did you notice?   
Sydney: Yeah. I think my dad noticed too.   
Vaughn: No, he didn't notice.   
Sydney: Why do you think he assigned you the investigation?   
Vaughn: 'Cause it's a big job. It's a big deal.   
Sydney: Really?   
Vaughn: Mm-hmm. Someone unauthorized accessed our computer systems, and we're gonna find them. I'm the point guy.   
Sydney: You're the point guy?   
Vaughn: I'm the point guy. _  
  
Even through all the pain she was going through she had to smile at that fond memory, how she forget.  
  
"He's my point guy," she said in between tears. She couldn't take anymore she stood up and walked to the bathroom on jet. Hoping no one was using it, only two more people were on the jet when they got on. She could feel his eyes on her and walked faster, she opened the door and locked herself in the bathroom.  
  
**How does one walks away from all of the memories  
How do I not miss you When You Are Gone  
How can I not love you.**  
  
She looked in the mirror and saw stranger, she had lost two years of her life. She had no idea what she had done during those two years. Where she lived, who she lived with, or who she worked for. Everyone she knew moved on with their lives because they thought she was dead. Everyone moved but except Sydney because to her it didn't feel like 2005. How she wished it was 2003, how she wished to be in her apartment with her real friend Francie, that was another reality she wasn't ready to face. She wished it was May 4, 2003 getting ready to go to Santa Barbara with Vaughn.  
  
_Vaughn: So I did it.   
Sydney: Did what?   
Vaughn: I booked the hotel.   
Sydney: Santa Barbara.   
Vaughn: Three nights, starting tonight. I mean, it was probably the greatest phone call I ever made.   
Sydney: You're a genius._  
  
**Must Be Brave**  
  
  
The End   
  



End file.
